Body image before, during, and after babies

Let’s talk about body image before, during, and after having a baby. This is just my experience, but I have a feeling parts of it might feel familiar.

Body image before babies

For me, body image really entered the chat in high school. I know it starts earlier for many girls, but high school is when your body suddenly feels front and center. Hormones, comparison, changing shapes, and this growing awareness that how you look somehow matters more than it ever did before.

Up until about fifteen or sixteen, I was very thin and scrawny. No curves, very much a late bloomer, and I could eat whatever I wanted without thinking twice. Around sixteen or seventeen, puberty finally did its thing, and by most cultural standards, I had what was considered an “ideal” body. I was thin with a bit of curve, about a size two, five foot seven, and very much aligned with what society praises as a great body.

As my metabolism slowed a bit, I had to start paying some attention to what I ate, but overall I was still thin and moved through the world that way.

Then I went to the University of Miami, and the focus on women’s appearance there was intense in a way I had not experienced before. My high school was fairly nerdy, and being smart still felt like something that mattered. In Miami, it felt like none of that counted. Looks were everything. The women were stunning, and for the first time in my life, I felt deeply self-conscious.

I did not get attention from men the way many of my friends did, and I remember feeling, quite frankly, ugly. I never had an eating disorder and was never really a dieter, with one brief exception of a very regrettable early 2010s lemon juice trend that lasted all of about two days. But I did spend a lot of mental energy comparing myself and feeling like I fell short.

Swinging in the opposite direction

After college, I joined the Navy, and the culture shift was dramatic. You wear baggy uniforms every day, and your body is almost completely hidden. Caring too much about your appearance was quietly judged. Women who wore noticeable makeup or put effort into how they looked were often talked about negatively. “Who is she trying to impress?” was a common refrain.

So I swung hard in the opposite direction. I wore less makeup, stopped dyeing my hair, skipped jewelry, and put far less focus on my appearance altogether. This carried through much of my twenties.

After leaving the Navy and going to business school, I landed somewhere healthier. I wanted to look and feel good, but I also knew I brought value beyond how I looked. It was no longer something I fixated on.

By that point, my body had settled into what felt like my natural baseline. I weighed around 134 pounds, wore a size four, and held weight mostly in my thighs. I had a small waist and a lean pear-shaped build, and I knew how to dress for it. Overall, I felt fine about my body. Not obsessed, not thrilled, just comfortable.

Pregnancy and the in-between feelings

When I got pregnant in my early thirties, I was curious how pregnancy would affect my body image. I had heard everything. Some women feel powerful and radiant. Others feel uncomfortable and disconnected from their bodies.

I landed somewhere in the middle. I did not feel bad about my body, but I also did not feel particularly empowered or glowing. I was not hiding my bump, but I was not showing it off either. Overall, I felt neutral to positive, and that felt okay.

After the first baby

I had my first baby at thirty-two, and the first three months were incredibly hard for me mentally. I struggled with breastfeeding, felt overwhelmed, and honestly did not think much about my body at all. I was not weighing myself or scrutinizing anything. Survival was the only goal.

Once those early months passed, I slowly eased back into movement and exercise. The weight came off gradually. The first chunk went fairly quickly, and the last ten to fifteen pounds took longer. By nine to twelve months postpartum, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

What I did not expect was how permanently my shape would change.

My small waist, which had always been a defining feature of my body, was gone. My torso became much more straight and rectangular. I was no longer pear-shaped, and no amount of exercise seemed capable of bringing that waist back. My belly button looked different. My stomach had clearly stretched.

I missed my old shape, but I also felt okay. I did not have significant stretch marks, and I felt fortunate for that. It was a mix of acceptance and occasional grief for a body that no longer existed.

After the second baby

With my second baby, I noticed a shift. I wanted my pre-baby body back sooner this time, and I found myself fixating on it more. I am coming up on six months postpartum and still about ten pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.

I am not dieting or doing anything extreme, but I am definitely more aware of it. I find myself wondering whether those last ten pounds will come off with time, the same slow grind as before, or whether this time it will require more deliberate, intentional effort.

I also really want to be able to fit into my old clothes. I still live in elastic pants, anything with a button feels suffocating.

What has been more surprising is how my midsection feels different altogether. My small waist feels even further gone than after my first baby. It is not just that things are softer. It feels like the muscles that once held everything in have relaxed and pulled apart. If I am not actively engaging my core, my stomach almost protrudes in a way that can make me look a few months pregnant.

That has been a new adjustment. I am doing Pilates now, hoping that strengthening my core will help me regain at least some stability and shape. But for the first time in my life, I have a midsection that feels unfamiliar to me, and that has taken some getting used to.

Where I am now

If I zoom out and look at the full picture, my body image journey feels long and winding. Before babies, I had a fairly typical experience. Early fixation in high school, intense appearance pressure in college, and then a sharp swing in the opposite direction in the Navy, where caring about your appearance was discouraged even as women were still scrutinized.

Pregnancy and motherhood added an entirely new layer. There are moments when I feel strong and amazed by what my body has done. Creating life does that to you. And then there are moments when I feel vain for missing my old belly and my old shape.

Both things are true.

Overall, I think I am in a relatively good place. I feel fortunate. I have a supportive partner who finds me attractive. I am healthy. My body has carried me through two pregnancies and is still carrying me through this season of life.

But it is still a journey. Some days feel settled and accepting. Other days feel self concious and conflicted. And I think that is probably the most honest thing I can say about body image before, during, and after babies.